He Was Innocent

Do you want to know what frustrates me the most? Feeling weak. I had an experience today, not even an hour ago that inspired me to write this, hopefully, people will relate and know that they are not alone. 

I went to the roof and the supervisor of the building, male, was sweeping away to dirt that had collected on the concrete. He was doing his job minding his business while I went to sit and read a new book I had just gotten from the library. He stopped sweeping. My heart started thudding in my chest and I texted my best friend to call me out of there. When she didn't answer I texted her uncle. After hanging up I practically bolted down the stairs to our apartment. 

You see, the supervisor did nothing wrong. As I looked back when leaving it turns out he stopped sweeping to answer a phone call of his own. Not once did he look at me strangely, not once did he threaten or make an advance on me. I judged him and because afraid of him for two reasons: he is a man that I do not know and I was alone. If it had been a female I would have been fine, I unconsciously trust females because they normally aren't a danger to each other. 

Being a woman in America in the 21st century may be safer than in the 19th or in another country, but that does not make it easier to be alone with a male stranger. Especially when women get raped and killed by men that they grew up with. I could never imagine that happening to me, but as I was up there trying to read the one reoccurring thought that I had was this, "No one would come up here, no one would hear me and if they did they wouldn't bother. He could definitely overpower me... I need to leave." Even as I thought this I could not bring myself to just leave when I had only got there minutes before. Even when I was threatened without a threat I was thinking he would find me to be rude. I felt that I had to justify my leaving with something important. 

This happens to girls everywhere, we are scared to be judged and we are scared to stay in certain situations. We think that we owe men something, not because we want to, but because as we grew up society continued to tell us how to do things to please a man, make him look good, and support him. But what about us? What about when we need support? I should not be afraid to leave a man alone and feel the need to justify my actions. And neither should any of you.